Why Orabase may be the greatest thing ever created for canker sores
Tonight, I dedicate my love… to Orabase.
There are many a canker sore medication on the market vying for our attention and our mouths, but I’ve played the field for many, many years, and in the end, there was only one mistress that ever made me feel so complete, so whole, so… fulfilled.
That mistress is Orabase.
Orabase, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
Orabase, You’re always right where I need you.
Orabase, you fit in my pocket. And that’s not an easy task, I carry a lot of things in my pocket. But your tube is long and slender, almost exactly as thick as my wallet, and that’s where you stay, right out of the way, so when I go to grab my credit card, it doesn’t become a fiasco of chasing down a runaway canker sore medication.
You’re also soft, so I don’t have an exaggerated, obvious lump in my jeans that bumps against every waist-level surface, and you don’t dig into my leg when I lay down or switch positions in my seat.
And your cap stays on, strong and true, so you don’t leak in my pocket and ruin my pants, and even if you did leak, you’re not oily or staining like other medicines, so I don’t need to worry.
You’re easy to apply.
Orabase, you’re adorable!
You make things so easy for me. Many canker sore medications require you bring along a full kit of supplies, including a mirror, several Q-Tips, a sink, a drool bag, rubber gloves, and sometimes an industrial-strength apple corer.
But not you, Orabase. With you all I need is my index finger. And a napkin if one’s handy.
Any time I need you, I can just smear a little bit of you on my finger and dab it on there. It’s so easy to be discreet, all it takes is for me to just dip my head down. Anybody who didn’t know better would think I was just picking something out of my teeth. With other medicines, I have to find a private place like a bathroom, car, basement, elevator, or sound-proof bomb shelter.
Why not soundproof…?
Because you’re totally painless!
So many other medicines numb the pain, but not before making you feel like your mouth just got branded like a Hereford calf on an 1890s cattle ranch. Half the experience of putting medicine on it is wiping away the copious pathetic tears streaming down your face.
But not with you, Orabase!
You go right on there and start making my tongue feel like it’s had 12 shots of tequila instantly. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a prude, sometimes I like a little pain. But I have to admit, I can’t get enough of your gentle touch.
And finally, you stick around.
Like any good lover, friend, or family member (never all three in one, of course), you don’t disappear as soon as I turn my attention away from you.
So many other medicines wipe away immediately, their effects barely felt, but not you. Your pasty paste clings to the spot and doesn’t let go. Sure, if I’m eating, you get wiped off in good time, but you’ve done your job. That spot is numb and eating is enjoyable again. And sometimes, you stretch your legs and smear around to the rest of my mouth and tongue, making it a challenge to talk.
But that’s just because you’re an overachiever.
In conclusion, I have to admit that there are other medicines that numb the pain more. Some that stick to the sore better, and some that heal it faster. But when it comes to the overall combination of ease and effectiveness of use, none quite reach your heights.
And that is why I say that you, Orabase, may well be the greatest thing in the world for canker sores.
I’ve got your number. We’ll talk soon.