Trading pain for pain

Last year, I had the unbelievable luck to get a kidney stone.  It was awesome.

And by awesome, I mean something that made me pray for sweet death.

I’d never had one before, and it felt nothing at all like I was expecting it to.  I always thought it would be sort-of a “razor blades when you pee” kind of thing.  Wasn’t the case at all.

Soccer ball to the face painfulAnd for those of you who have never had a kidney stone, you always hear about how freaking horrible they are, now that I’ve had one I can honestly say that the only reason people say they’re so freaking horrible, is because they’re freaking horrible.

It feels like God is raping you in the back.

I don’t recommend them.  Unless you’re the kind of person who enjoys the experience of sitting in traffic, and suddenly being aware of a sound way off in the distance of someone screaming bloody murder, only to look in the rearview mirror and realize that the person screaming is you.

And just to add apocalypse to injury, my particular granule of satanic calcium decided it just didn’t quite want to pass into the cold oblivion of the outside world.  So it embedded itself in my ureter.

Which means they had to go get it.

I’ll spare you the horrifying details from this point on because it seems I still seem to think I have some semblance of dignity, but I will tell you that when I came out of surgery and the doctor showed me the demon spawn I’d just birthed by cesarean, I apparently flipped it off in my drugged haze.

Meeting with the urologist in a follow up later on, he gave me some suggestions to keep this from happening again.  One of his suggestions was to drink orange juice every morning.  Evidently there are citrins (that’s the word he used) in OJ that keep the calcium in the kidneys from collecting and forming stones.

That’s cool.  I like OJ.  Only one problem…

Faceplant off a skateboardCitrus juice.  Ulcers.  Not a good combination.

Yes, orange juice makes me break out in canker sores like a 15 year old kid’s face the night before a prom.  So I’ve learned in order to avoid extreme pain, I have to do something… that causes extreme pain.

Awesome.

I still drink the OJ whenever I can – RAS sucks but kidney stones are WAY worse – I just make sure to rinse afterward.

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Showing 4 comments
  • Rebecca W.

    Rinse your mouth with Milk of Magnesia, no lie. IT WORKS! I used to get them all of the time and now if I feel even the slightest twinge of one, I do that one or twice a day for a couple of days and WA-LA!
    I haven’t had a canker sore in years!!

    Also, you might try lemon juice in water instead of orange juice sometimes.

    • cankerboy

      I’m writing that one down. It’s going in the book.

      Thanks!

  • Don

    Wow, I thought I was the only guy whose life revolves around canker sores. I just experienced the worst outbreak of my life….over 20 pea to dime sized canker sores all at ounce. I actually had to take a whole week off from work because I literally could not speak.

    I’ve been carefully backtracking my diet to try to find the trigger and I figured out two things. 1) I have been extremely stressed with alot of life changes and challenges. 2) I am diabetic so I do not eat food with sugar. (When I do eat sugar I get canker sores within 48 hours, guaranteed) Therefore, I go “sugar free” on everything. Because the stress has insprired me to medicate with food I have been eating alot of diet stuff that I normally wouldn’t eat.

    I reseached and recorded the ingredients of all of the items that have proven to be triggers in the past and 100% contained Sorbitol. It was the only common ingredient. So, apparently my body sees it as sugar.

    My next quest it to determine why ALL multi-vitamins make me break out. There has to be a single component.

    • cankerboy

      Well, I hate to think that my life REVOLVES around canker sores (or yours for that matter) but they certainly affect the way I do things.

      Sounds like you just had a pretty epic breakout, I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t know a lot of diabetics with canker sores, I’m curious about how that would affect the immune system response that brings them on. I wonder if anybody’s made a benzocaine rinse for people with mouth-wide breakouts like that.

      I’ll be trying out all sorts of things on this blog, I hope you stick around, I’d love to know how much different (or the same) those things work for you.

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