I once knew a girl – a friend of my girlfriend at the time – who lived in another state and I didn’t see very often. One day she came to visit and I’d noticed that she’d lost a significant amount of weight. Not that she needed to lose a lot of weight, but she slimmed down a little and she looked good.
And I told her so, to which she responded, “Yeah, I had a nervous breakdown.”
But hey, it looked good on her.
That’s when I had two life-changing ideas. One, that everything has an upside if you’re willing to look for it. And two, I could totally market nervous breakdowns as a weight loss product.
Same thing with RAS. There are a lot of upsides to this condition, one of which is, yeah, you lose weight when you get canker sores.
I mean, it’s just gonna happen when it feels like someone’s jamming a branding iron through your cheek with every bite you take. You eat smaller portions, you skip meals, you change your diet to stuff you can blend.
This is probably why everybody with canker sores has washboard abs. No really, it’s true!
I hear Weight Watchers is working on a canker sore program, where people in their program can have their mouths littered with canker sores to avoid eating more than they have to. And scientists at the CDC are working on a pill that can give the person who takes it the feeling of canker sores throughout their mouth, to be marketed as Cankatrim. It could be the final answer to the obesity epidemic in America.
See, fellow RAS sufferers? We’re not abnormal, we’re just ahead of the curve.
Now if I can just get that nervous breakdown thing off the ground…